It never stopped hurting.

So I had a particularly interesting day at work today. I had an attorney get all pissy with me because his daughter's claim wasn't being processed in a timely manner. I could go into the finer details, except I don't really feel like it. Basically all you need to know is that this guy is full of shit and his daughter is spoiled rotten. I hate people who think that just because their dad or whoever is an attorney, that they can go whining to them every time something doesn't go their way. It's ridiculous and disgusting how they'll never have to pull their own weight because of it. There should be a special place in hell just for people like that, and for the parents who allow their children to behave this way.

I also had a lady tell me about how one of her traveling companions fell into a sewer while they were walking along on their trip. I was trying so hard not to laugh while I had this lady on the phone. Basically she said that the manhole cover flipped over or something and fell right in, seriously injuring both of us legs. Yeah, I felt really bad for the guy and all, but still.. he fell into a sewer! Ha ha!

Vicky is supposed to be coming over tonight to help make lemon bars for the party thing a work tomorrow.

I feel really sad because there's this person in my life who I wish I knew in a different light, you know? Like I wish things had played out a little differently so that I could have gotten to know this person better. I'll never publicly reveal who it is, even though no one reads this anymore, I guess because I feel really weird and maybe even a little ashamed of it. Nothing happened, of course, and nothing ever will. It's just one of those sad things where you're left wondering what it would have been like. I know that I am infinitely happy with Justin, though, and that nobody could ever replace him in my heart.

We're supposed to be announcing our engagement soon, but I feel like such a sell-out. I've always been so anti-marriage for many reasons, but now that Justin and I have decided to make it "official" in the eyes of the law or whatever, I feel like I'm going back on my word and how I feel about the whole thing. I want to marry him, yes, but I also feel like it's not necessary. I know I'd be happy without the element of marriage, but I also can't deny the feminine part of me that wants it. I wish I knew what the right decision was. Whichever the case, I'm still deeply annoyed that a friend of mine chose the same wedding colors that Justin and I have always wanted. Logically, I know I have no claim to a mere color scheme, but it still pisses me off because I feel like her marriage is kind of invalid compared to mine. Yeah I guess I'm being pretentious, but whatever. That's how I feel regardless of how silly it might sound.

Well anyway, today made me very aware of where I get my temper from. It amuses me greatly.

Christine

Hey,

It's been a while since I've spoken to you, "you" being whoever reads this. I have so much going on in my life anymore that I never take the time to sit down and just write about how I feel about anything. I figure if it's important enough, I'll just tell someone, otherwise it's not really worth talking about. I guess I didn't realize how important it was for me to get my feelings out until I had so much to get out. I think I'd like to start free-writing more, at least for the hell of it.

I've been through a lot of changes over the last few years of my life. I experienced being laid off for the first time, and let me just say how much it sucks. It sucks a LOT. It's one of the worst feelings I've ever had in my life. During my span of unemployment, I felt utterly useless and helpless. I had to depend on everyone for money. I relied on my roommate and my boyfriend for food, and half the time I didn't even eat what they bought because all they bought was junk. Overall, I lost around twenty pounds during my time of unemployment. These days it's hard for me to lose weight, so I'm wondering if it'll take another cataclysmic event in my life to get me to slim down.

I finally got hired at Trip Mate about six months ago because Vicky referred me. I kinda think I owe her my life, in a way, although working at Trip Mate is like a double-edged sword. Then again, I've always wondered what exactly a double-edged sword is. All swords have two edges, otherwise it's a knife. Or at least I think so. Anyway, I feel like a lot of aspects of my job are just plain shitty, including how little we actually tell our customers. It makes me wonder how much is being kept from me, and not just by Trip Mate, but by the world. I can't tell you how many calls I get where I am so vague with the customer, the customer actually gets mad and takes it out on me. Really, there's only so much I'm allowed to tell people about certain things. What the hell is this, a top secret agency or what? It's just fucking trip insurance. Yeah, I said it. INSURANCE. That's another thing: they don't like us to use the word "insurance." Whatevs, I say.

I hate how we make people jump through all these stupid hoops just to get refunded their money, but at the same time, I sort of understand it.. at least from a business point of view. I know there isn't anything I can do about it, but still. The only thing that really keeps me going there is knowing how much it sucks to be unemployed. Oh, and to the higher-ups, all I have to say to you is this: "If you want to see the true measure of a man, watch how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." Yeah that's right, I just quoted J.K.R.

There is entirely too much for me to say here. I've gone too long without letting things out. But I think I'll make a habit out of writing here more regularly, at least for my own peace of mind. I know, at least, that I'll never run out of source material.

Well, see ya next post.

Christine